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How is it possible to penetrate the depth of Jesus' love for us or experience the Reality of his presence within the smaller reality of our own lives? We seem for the most part to be at a tragic loss in acquiring such intimacy with him. And yet this is the most urgent need of our existence. To know Jesus is to encounter our own essential identity. To experience his love and mercy is to come to terms with both our own human violence and failings and our divine potential. Our rational minds may question or even reject the notion of experientially knowing and opening our hearts to an individual whom we have never physically seen and who lived in a foreign culture some 2000 years ago. Is it possible to know him as one would an intimate friend? Is it possible to experience his presence and love at such personal, intimate and life transforming levels? |
| St. Clare of Assisi our holy Mother and Foundress, offers a simple directive to those who desire the deeper reality of knowing Christ. "Gaze upon him. Think of him. Contemplate him. " As with all true friendship, only one thing is needful: a capacity to gaze with the heart and be present to our friend. |
| These series of reflections are offered with the intention of deepening our awareness of Christ, of gazing for a few moments on him and the human interactions he experienced in his earthly life. In this endeavor we seek the Spirit of Wisdom to bring us into true intimacy with him, and ultimately with God, with ourselves and one another. |
A SIMPLE THANKS-GIVING
(Reading taken from John 6:1-15) |
| If we closely observe our Lord's behavior in this account of the miracle of the loaves, we may catch a truer glimpse of what it means to be his disciple, how we are to evolve in our awareness of God and our relatedness to others, and how we are to present ourselves and our circumstances to the Father moment by moment, with thanksgiving. |
| In the reading of the miracle of the loaves we first encounter Jesus' personal desire to withdraw and to go off to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. It is not difficult to understand Jesus' need at this time for such solitude when we read the preceding verses and discover that Jesus had recently healed an invalid and was confronted and threatened by religious leaders for doing this on the Sabbath day. In that scene, Jesus persisted in expressing to these powerful figures that he was doing the healing work of His Father in heaven. For making this claim, however, they became "even more intent on killing him". We are told in Matthew's gospel that Jesus also received the news from his disciples that John the Baptist had been beheaded by King Herod. (see Mt. 14:10ff). His desire to withdraw now after experiencing such intense confrontation and loss seems a very natural human inclination, especially when we know from Scripture that Jesus was often inclined to withdraw and spend long hours alone in prayer with the Father. As the passage unfolds, however, we see Jesus' focus shift when another need becomes more vital than his own personal desire for solitude. "Looking up", scripture says, Jesus became aware of the human and spiritual hunger of over 5000 people who had followed him up the mountain. |
| We may perceive by this awareness, that our Lord was in a continual state of "reading" his immediate reality as a true indicator of what the Father desired of him. This may help us to understand what he meant when he said, "I have come not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me". In this setting, Jesus' own human desire was for retreat and solitude, but the deeper Reality he perceived beckoned him to respond in love to the needs of the people. His own human desire, was for the moment, put aside. |
| Jesus was immediately sensitive to the human hunger before him, and we may presume that Jesus' sensitivity involved an awareness not simply of the physical hunger of the multitude, but of their emotional and spiritual hunger as well. Their hunger for Divine affirmation and innate worth before God, their hunger to be loved without condition, was just as real as their human, physical hunger for food. Jesus determined that the Father's desire at that moment. was that he satisfy the hunger before him. |
| Having resolved all of this in his own mind and heart, Jesus then began to relate to the Reality at hand. He involved his disciples in what was about to happen. He showed them how to perceive the Reality of God which he perceived. Jesus went about this task simply by asking the disciples a question. He did not preach, nor act alone, nor command, but he chose to ask a question which would plant a seed and begin the process of awakening a deeper level of awareness in Phillip and the other disciples: "Where can we buy some bread for these people to eat?" How gentle and tender Jesus is in his attempt to share the intimacy he has with his Father. He wants to awaken, not badger his disciples. He wants them to start noticing, looking around, wrestling with the dilemma he has just wrestled with. This dilemma is made plainer perhaps in Matthew's gospel when Jesus tells his disciples, "You give them something to eat!" The conflict being in knowing that they possessed little or nothing that could, or would, meet such a need. |
| And it is here that we come face to face with the contrast between Jesus' intimacy with the Father and our own. Jesus surrenders to his Reality and the task the Father places before him; the disciple on the other hand, like you and I, would question the practicality of it, resist it, and perceive it only as an impossibility and a burden. How often we respond like the disciple who noticed the young boy with the few fishes and barley loaves and saw only their limitations. Not so with Jesus. Jesus KNEW and trusted with his entire being that the Father would provide the means to fulfill what he required. It is the Father's work being done, and the Father, through us, completes his work. It is only a matter of looking around and recognizing in our own lives the little boy with the fish and barley loaves. By his question to Phillip, Jesus offered him a beginning in the experience of the Reality of God's Providence. Although our prospects may seem meager from our perspective, this is exactly what the Father uses to make miracles, if we could only trust. |
| We all know the end of this gospel event after Jesus gave thanks to his Father. And now perhaps we know a little better how we too may take part in such events in our daily lives. We have only to look up and respond to the need before us, even before we take care of our own. We have only to look around and find the barley loaves and fishes in our lives, though they may appear insignificant to us at first. Then, with a child's trust, we have simply to give thanks to God, whose love and abundance are always with us. |
| Matthew, Mark and John each record that following this miracle, Jesus went up the mountain by himself to be alone and pray. |
S. Clare Julian, osc
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Some Questions for Your Own Reflection |
| How does Jesus see his own human desire and the greater desire of his Father? |
| How does Jesus experience his Father's Presence? |
| Imagine yourself a disciple of Jesus at the time of this miracle. You are aware of the human grief and distress Jesus was carrying prior to the appearance of the crowd. Imagine that after witnessing the miracle you find yourself alone with him for a few moments. What, if anything, would you say to Jesus? How do you imagine his response to you? |
| As you prepare to begin your journey home, you see Jesus proceeding up the mountain to be alone and pray. As you also go your way, what do you take with you from this encounter? |
If you would like to know more about us and our way of life, please contact Sr. Mary Francis, Vocation Directress, by mail, fax, phone or e-mail: Bostonpoorclares@yahoo.com.
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